Since getting back to the office this week -- after celebrating my 32nd year on Sunday -- I decided to tidy up. Posters that were hanging around, found a place on the wall -- as did my mirror and fans from Spain. The other item to find a spot on my bulletin board.
On it, I have several postcards from my travels, two family photos, two quotes I like a lot, four birthday cards -- one with a sun flower, and another of the sun -- and a 'girls rule' card my sister sent me as I started the year. My board is AWESOME.
But as its 8:11PM and I am still at work, something dawned on me as I was looking at it.
This is my office. I am at work. And this board is something straight out of a college dorm room!
I call it inspiration, my boss would probably call it a mess.
But two thoughts have stemmed from this recent observation.
1) Given my year as a nomad, I often feel more comfortable and at home in my tiny office with the red couch and pink rug. Its been the most consistent landing spot for me thus far this year.
2) Shouldn't I have status reports, calendars or something hanging prominently on this board? I guess we know where my priorities are!
Wednesday, August 5, 2009
Confession
Sunday was my birthday. To celebrate, my girlfriends took me to a fun all-you-can-drink-champagne brunch in NYC's meat-packing district. We had the best time, and as it was pouring outside had nothing better to do, so we 'all you can drank' all afternoon. My birthday 'day' rocked.
This morning -- three days later, well after the champagne haze had worn off -- it hit me that from Sunday afternoon until this moment is my longest stretch without having an alcoholic drink. THREE WHOLE DAYS. That is insane, right? I mean why even bother with a birthday party, it seems like I have been partying all year!
Not that every night has been a free-for-all, many nights I would have A GLASS of wine, but there have been very few nights that NO GLASS was consumed.
As this realization sets in, I just have to say 'it is what it is'. For most of this year, I have had something to celebrate... whether that be me doing what it is I want to do, or cheering on the people I love in my life, 'c'e-ing la vie to things beyond my control, and the first part of the year coping through a very difficult time. Regardless of the reason, 'getting drinks' with friends seemed to be the obvious thing to do. And 'that' I did a ton of.
I loved my moments of clear abandon, but I have also loved the past three mornings of waking up clear headed, feeling productive and focused, and ready to do more than I ever have. My morning work-outs have been stronger, I have been more disciplined, and felt healthier than ever.
I guess in all the clearing out I have done this year, I forgot to clear the bad things out of my body too. So, here's to sobriety! May there be more sober days in the first month of my 32nd year than not!
This morning -- three days later, well after the champagne haze had worn off -- it hit me that from Sunday afternoon until this moment is my longest stretch without having an alcoholic drink. THREE WHOLE DAYS. That is insane, right? I mean why even bother with a birthday party, it seems like I have been partying all year!
Not that every night has been a free-for-all, many nights I would have A GLASS of wine, but there have been very few nights that NO GLASS was consumed.
As this realization sets in, I just have to say 'it is what it is'. For most of this year, I have had something to celebrate... whether that be me doing what it is I want to do, or cheering on the people I love in my life, 'c'e-ing la vie to things beyond my control, and the first part of the year coping through a very difficult time. Regardless of the reason, 'getting drinks' with friends seemed to be the obvious thing to do. And 'that' I did a ton of.
I loved my moments of clear abandon, but I have also loved the past three mornings of waking up clear headed, feeling productive and focused, and ready to do more than I ever have. My morning work-outs have been stronger, I have been more disciplined, and felt healthier than ever.
I guess in all the clearing out I have done this year, I forgot to clear the bad things out of my body too. So, here's to sobriety! May there be more sober days in the first month of my 32nd year than not!
Friday, July 31, 2009
Girly Me
My parents are probably as amused by the way I turned out, as am I when I think that they are my parents. My dad is a football coach -- tried and true, if its football he knows everything about it. My mom is a do-it-yourself kind of woman -- even tiling kitchen flowers, rebuilding patios, gardening, etc. Both of my parents have very masculine energies (my mom being softer of course). Maybe I have some of these energies, but for the most part I am all girl. I couldn't imagine being any other way.
I love girly things. I love the color pink. I love taking forever to get ready. I love wearing dresses. I love dainty items and sparkly shoes. I love playing 'dress up' -- both when I was 5 and now at almost-32. I love bubble baths and fresh flowers. I love putting ribbons on pets, and adorning my own hair with bows or braids. I love manicures and pedicures and feeling pampered. I love shopping and fixing up things and making them beautiful.
Of course, one could argue that what makes me a girl is two x chromosomes...and none of my silly ramblings matter. But definitely is more than that...
Although 32 years ago, I doubt my parents knew just how feminine I would turn out... especially in my tom-boy stage when I wore jeans and a ponytail everyday! But here I am now..
I love being a girl. Its one of things I am really 'good at'. And definitely the role I am meant to fit.
I love girly things. I love the color pink. I love taking forever to get ready. I love wearing dresses. I love dainty items and sparkly shoes. I love playing 'dress up' -- both when I was 5 and now at almost-32. I love bubble baths and fresh flowers. I love putting ribbons on pets, and adorning my own hair with bows or braids. I love manicures and pedicures and feeling pampered. I love shopping and fixing up things and making them beautiful.
Of course, one could argue that what makes me a girl is two x chromosomes...and none of my silly ramblings matter. But definitely is more than that...
Although 32 years ago, I doubt my parents knew just how feminine I would turn out... especially in my tom-boy stage when I wore jeans and a ponytail everyday! But here I am now..
I love being a girl. Its one of things I am really 'good at'. And definitely the role I am meant to fit.
Saturday, July 25, 2009
One Life
This morning I did something that many people would tell me not to do... ever. I cleaned out my work email. Scary stuff, right?
The work part -- not so scary. I could delete and demolish there.
Its the little folder marked 'Pre-2009' that I decided to tackle, although I saved it for last. In it were files from the wedding that was supposed to take place in April of this year, all of the events that go along with tying the knot, and last but not least, every email I had ever exchanged with my ex and his family.
Its crazy, but deleting here wasn't as complicated or painful as I thought it would be. There were some funny things that made me laugh. Cute things that made me remember. Sad and angry bits that did bring up some painful feelings. And loads of insanity that more than reminded me why I left in the first place. It took less than 30 minutes to go through it all, and then I could delete the 'Pre-2009' folder. There was nothing in it.
There were a few things I held onto -- legal contracts, photos, etc. -- but most I tossed. What I kept, I merged in with my other folders that I usually use every day. This act alone was symbolic to me, because I am one person with one life and I should file those life experiences in one set of folders. I had a great life prior to 2009, and is shown from fun emails with friends and family I found when cleaning out those folders.
My life didn't just start this year. It did get turned around, and back on track, and seems amazingly better than where I was a year ago before my birthday. But still, all this is still my life... my one life. The one life I have to try and get this thing called 'life' right...if its even possible to do it wrong.
It felt good to bring all my experiences --happy, sad, lovely, amazing, cheerful, painful -- together into one place. Because that is where I am. Here, in one place.
The work part -- not so scary. I could delete and demolish there.
Its the little folder marked 'Pre-2009' that I decided to tackle, although I saved it for last. In it were files from the wedding that was supposed to take place in April of this year, all of the events that go along with tying the knot, and last but not least, every email I had ever exchanged with my ex and his family.
Its crazy, but deleting here wasn't as complicated or painful as I thought it would be. There were some funny things that made me laugh. Cute things that made me remember. Sad and angry bits that did bring up some painful feelings. And loads of insanity that more than reminded me why I left in the first place. It took less than 30 minutes to go through it all, and then I could delete the 'Pre-2009' folder. There was nothing in it.
There were a few things I held onto -- legal contracts, photos, etc. -- but most I tossed. What I kept, I merged in with my other folders that I usually use every day. This act alone was symbolic to me, because I am one person with one life and I should file those life experiences in one set of folders. I had a great life prior to 2009, and is shown from fun emails with friends and family I found when cleaning out those folders.
My life didn't just start this year. It did get turned around, and back on track, and seems amazingly better than where I was a year ago before my birthday. But still, all this is still my life... my one life. The one life I have to try and get this thing called 'life' right...if its even possible to do it wrong.
It felt good to bring all my experiences --happy, sad, lovely, amazing, cheerful, painful -- together into one place. Because that is where I am. Here, in one place.
In A New York Minute...
Last night I was walking home from work, I was responding to an email from our COO who had minor surgery the past two days. As I was writing "just want to reiterate how thrilled I am with recent changes..." it dawned on my that to her I could be talking about a number of things.
My COO, is also my boss, and also a mentor to me in many ways. She knows what goes on in my life, and she also knows that I just moved to an apartment down the street from her.
Within one week, my role at the office has totally changed. From managing interns and employee recruiting to managing manuscripts and global conferences. I am loving my new gig at the office. It suits me. I feel challenged. I feel involved. I feel impowered. And I feel valued. I also think this is the perfect job for me, so it works well.
Also in this same week, I have moved. Another temporary apartment, but still its a new home, new neighborhood and new surroundings. I am very happy here for the next six weeks.
Its crazy how quickly things change here, how things changing causes a shift in perception on many levels, and I am once again content with my New York life. I will be happy here the next few months, until my next New York minute, when everything changes again.
My COO, is also my boss, and also a mentor to me in many ways. She knows what goes on in my life, and she also knows that I just moved to an apartment down the street from her.
Within one week, my role at the office has totally changed. From managing interns and employee recruiting to managing manuscripts and global conferences. I am loving my new gig at the office. It suits me. I feel challenged. I feel involved. I feel impowered. And I feel valued. I also think this is the perfect job for me, so it works well.
Also in this same week, I have moved. Another temporary apartment, but still its a new home, new neighborhood and new surroundings. I am very happy here for the next six weeks.
Its crazy how quickly things change here, how things changing causes a shift in perception on many levels, and I am once again content with my New York life. I will be happy here the next few months, until my next New York minute, when everything changes again.
Thursday, July 23, 2009
The Land of 'I Don't Know'
Ever since getting back to the city, I have found there are situations I just don't know how to handle. There are things I just don't know how to say. There are things I just don't know how to do. I attempt to do it with my past New York voice, but I am no longer that person. And when I say or do anything with the 'how I truly feel card' I get responses that leave alot to be desired.
Whatever am I talking about? Well, here are a few examples...
-- two single people hang out, one is male, the other female, when you part ways with no 0bvious interest in hanging out again what do you say? Especially when the meeting was suggested by your family.
--Your best friend has hung out with a guy you are currently befriending, and it didn't work between them, but you are only wanting to be friends with him, how much do you tell your friend? How much is too little? How much too much?
--You spend two weeks with a guy in different country than your own, there is a quiet chemistry that flows through two said two weeks, when you return, what does it mean?
These situations and many more follow me through my New York life, and in my case, every day this week. I do and say things because I want to, and some because I feel like I should... I truly want to be operating out of the most honest, and sincere part of me, but such acts seem to get lost in translation.
Part of me feels like I never fit into this hodgepodge of rushing here and there, 'crackberry' central, don't think - just do mentality...
And the truth is, maybe I never did, and maybe I never will. New York City for me, for now, seems to be one great big 'i don't know' after the other. But when operating in fluid motion, 'I don't know' is 5,000 times better than 'set in stone'.
Whatever am I talking about? Well, here are a few examples...
-- two single people hang out, one is male, the other female, when you part ways with no 0bvious interest in hanging out again what do you say? Especially when the meeting was suggested by your family.
--Your best friend has hung out with a guy you are currently befriending, and it didn't work between them, but you are only wanting to be friends with him, how much do you tell your friend? How much is too little? How much too much?
--You spend two weeks with a guy in different country than your own, there is a quiet chemistry that flows through two said two weeks, when you return, what does it mean?
These situations and many more follow me through my New York life, and in my case, every day this week. I do and say things because I want to, and some because I feel like I should... I truly want to be operating out of the most honest, and sincere part of me, but such acts seem to get lost in translation.
Part of me feels like I never fit into this hodgepodge of rushing here and there, 'crackberry' central, don't think - just do mentality...
And the truth is, maybe I never did, and maybe I never will. New York City for me, for now, seems to be one great big 'i don't know' after the other. But when operating in fluid motion, 'I don't know' is 5,000 times better than 'set in stone'.
Sometimes it is all about you.
There is something obviously going on in the universe... at least in my small space within such universe. Within 12 hours, two people I had been wondering about as friends proved they should be crossed off that list. I find it funny that it was these two people inparticular that showed their true colors in one evening, as I would describe each of them as being "my most selfish friend"... I like them, but the "Its all about me show" is annoying after awhile. For sometime I had been wondering if each was capable of being more, capable of being a friend that I can count on. I now have my answer.
I always find it intriguing how the universe brings about these 'spring cleaning' episodes when we least expect it. And yet once done, you feel so much cleaner and honest and real. I don't like feeling otherwise, and now, when it comes to friendships, I don't have to.
I always find it intriguing how the universe brings about these 'spring cleaning' episodes when we least expect it. And yet once done, you feel so much cleaner and honest and real. I don't like feeling otherwise, and now, when it comes to friendships, I don't have to.
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