The things I just know.

On this rainy Saturday in Manhattan, I sit gazing out my window praying for the skies to turn blue instead of this murky grey. But I know this is the chosen color for the day, so why waste my thoughts on empty wishes?

Spending the morning indoors, leaves me with time to reread and peruse things written in my travels -- from my blog to my journal, to the e-journal entries that found their way to my hotmail account, and the little notes to myself that snuck into my passport holder. I find it interesting the words I wrote to myself, and those I shared with others.

Most were exactly the same. Stories shared were missing few details. Lines written were always honest. And the random notes that rarely equaled a sentence, resonated in truth. There was nothing to hide.

Three months since that journey began, and three weeks since I landed in New York, I realize in looking back that I knew my journey long before it began. I knew the steps it would take, and the steps I would take to find myself here on this Saturday morning writing while it rains.

I knew my ex-boyfriend was wrong for me.

I knew my 'playdates' pre-Europe were nothing but placeholders.

I knew I needed to go to Europe.

I knew I would figure out a way to convince my office that it was in everyone's best interest for me to go.

I knew I would emerge from that journey wanting more than I could possibly find in Manhattan.

I knew all of this in the deepest part of myself, and yet was afraid to believe it because I was afraid to trust myself, and know that the things I wanted for myself could and would happen.

Now, on the otherside of the pond where my trust was regained, I know so much more and this time I am not afraid to believe in it.

I know I will get accepted to graduate school.

I know I will write.

I know I will run the marathon in November.

I know I will go back to Spain.

I know I will learn Spanish.

I know this summer is going to be productive, maybe not as much FUN as I really anticipated, but to accomplish all that is listed above I need some downtime.

I know this year is going to be exactly what I set out for it to be -- a year of figuring out what I want for me -- and I will be settled in that plan (maybe not that place) by year's end.

When we allow ourselves to be quiet, the answers are always there. There is always the chaos, the voices that muddle our own thoughts, but in solitude and quiet and in peace, there will always be the things we just know.