Sunday, March 29, 2009

Its official!

I am running the NYC Marathon on November 1, 2009! I signed-up today and could not be more excited with this decision. While away I have been loving these long runs in warm temperatures. (Sarah -- your running mix is amazing!) So why not?

For once I have no reason not to do so.

In 2007, I had a wedding on Sanibel Island to attend.

In 2008, I developed this bizarre allergy/asthma disorder.

And now, I am free. Of plans, of asthma, of any reason to keep me from running... except my fabulous Halloween costume I was already considering for this year, but I will figure that out... but I am running! Official training begins manana!

Tuesday, March 24, 2009


As the sun has now moved into Aries, and a new astrological year has begun, I am feeling the need to restart a few things in my own life. And I am truly ready to do so.

While I am on the road, and living out of a suitcase, my life often feels very much in transit. And it is. But I think thats what I bargained for when I asked those I love most to allow me to be a nomad in 2009. (truly, be careful what you wish for...)

Each day that passes, I think of those I care about in both the North and South. I miss them all dearly.

I believe my family understands, minus the youngest member, Mr. Ramsey. And that I hate most, as there are so many things of his life right now that I am missing, and I do hope he doesn't forget who is Aunt Paige is.

My friends in NYC, both new and old, there have been days I wish I could "pop over" for an afternoon of good conversation and laughter before resuming my journey on this side of the pond. Europe is a very different place, and every weekend morning I wish I was reading the paper or enjoying "storytime" at Vbar...with some REAL coffee, and not the double espresso I have adopted since being here.

Its tough, as I am doing exactly what I want to be doing. And in doing so, I know I am missing out on being a part of lives that I so dearly want to share in. I guess you really can't have it both ways.

I don't want to lose touch as I take this time for myself. But in taking time for myself, I need to make sure that "myself" gets what she needs out of this time. And so I must do what I need to ensure that when I get back to the good ole USofA, I am ready to be apart of things again and not always have one foot out the door --that's what got me here in the first place, and I have never believed in repeats.

So as I delve into new beginnings with Aries, and the "bullish" days of Taurus that are sure to come my way, a part of me is looking forward to the day when the sun moves into Gemini, the sign of friendship and conversation, and I can't wait to relish in both... on that side of the pond.

Until then, I best be packing, I have an early train to catch manana.

Monday, March 23, 2009

A New Leaf

Since the year began, I have been loving being online and having an outlet for my thoughts. Being both extrovert and introvert, I like being heard without making a big deal out of it. Blogging meets that need. I realize some of my topics probably should not have made into public view, but it was an outlet I needed at the time, so I don't really make excuses...only apologies to anyone who read something they would have preferred not to read.

In reading through past bloggings, I realize they were interlaced with so many excuses and attempts at trying to explain the life I had chosen. They were "propagandish" in trying to convince people (readers) I was happy. There was an element of "fake" to it, and well, I tend to prefer "authentic".

Alot has changed in my life since I started blogging in February 2008, all changes I am grateful for. I will not hesitate to tell anyone "my life rocks!", and I truly believe it does. But that doesn't say its been without challenges or difficult times. I do believe that life cannot truly "rock" without having to face adversity and the less desireable times. We get through them, we learn, we grow, and I like to say, "we turnover a new page"... and I guess in my case its a "new Paige".

Well, here is my 'new Paige'. Its still my story and musings on life, just in a new venue. Its still me, just hopefully a little wiser, a little stronger, and a little more sure of what she wants in life.

If you found me here, I am sure you are someone I would want reading. So please enjoy. And if you have something to say, I love comments, so please share.

Friday, March 20, 2009

Ode to my Mother

From my mother, I have learned many things. Having high-expectations of myself is one, having high-expectations of others is another, having high-expectations of men is something in a whole other ballpark.

I do think she taught me well, though, as when I am operating by her/my standards there is very little bullshit involved. It either is or it isn't and we go from there.

My mom is one tough-cookie, and through her own situations in her life she has made herself what she is... super-strong, passionate, and multi-talented, not to mention an excellent mother and awesome grandmother.

I love hearing stories about her growing up. How she broke in her own pony (Apache), how she would make money from the neighborhood kids by charging two coke bottles to ride Apache, how she tried to put out a field fire that she started with a mason-jar of water, how she was a tomboy turned Homecoming Queen, who made all of her own clothes including her wedding dress... and many years later earned a black-belt in karate. My mom is amazing. I don't think there is anything that if she wanted to learn how to do, she couldn't.

I can only hope that I can leave the impression she has on me, on my own sons/daughters... God knows if I don't, Nama Deb will! =o)

But getting back to the point of this...

In my time as her daughter, there have been many things that she has taught me that most men -- and people in general-- don't know how to do. As she would say "that's just unacceptable"... and I tend to agree.

So, since I am in a list making mode, here are the things my mother has taught me that everyone should know how to do:

1) Drive a stick-shift ( ie 5 or 6 speed).

2) Ask for directions.

3) Iron.

4) Be willing to take the time to teach someone how to do something new.

5) Make a 3 or 4 course meal with fresh ingredients -- preferably from the back yard.

6) Bait a fishing hook.

7) Know which plants are poison ivy and stay away.

8) Build a fire -- both in and out of doors.

9) Manage a budget.

10) Arrive on time, and call if you are running late.

11) Give thoughtful and meaningful gifts.

12) Be creative.

13) Dare to wander out on a limb... that is where the fruit is.

14) Plan a party for 30 and have it go off without a hitch.

15) Know the value of your own time, and be selective when spending it.

16) Take care of someone else.

17) Be considerate/chivalrous.

18) Wash a car... and wax it.

19) Plant a plant and have it last longer than a year.

20) Sand and refinish furniture.

21) Don't be afraid to tell someone your expectations of them, but in doing so, don't lower your expectations of yourself and your own life.

22) Live life outside of the box. Or in it... but own your decisions and be happy.

23) Never be too old to climb a tree, swing or jump on a trampoline.

24) Believe that you can have any and everything you want... thinking/believing truly does make it so.

25) Don't forget to say thank you, especially when you are thankful for having someone in your life.

Mom, I am so thankful I am your daughter. And since its Mother's Day weekend in Spain, I figure why not celebrate in America too? Here's to you!

Thursday, March 19, 2009

10 Funny Things

Being in the world for 10 days, stopping in four different cities, and getting used to life out of a suitcase, I have been able to observe myself in a different way than I have at any other point in my life. Most of my days are spent with me, as are most of my nights.

In ten days, here are ten quirky things that I have observed about myself:

1) I will talk to myself if I think no one is listening.

2) I am kind of afraid of the dark, and will leave the curtain open to be a "night light".

3) The word castles and fortress appeal to my dreamy side and immediately make the day's agenda. (What do I think I am going to find, a prince??!!)

4) I can be a bit of an asshole and assume that guidebooks are wrong and are leading me no where... and then ta-da, I end up being right where they say I should.

5) When it comes to lodging I am a bit high maintenance. I need a room on the highest floor possible, facing the street, and far from elevators/staircases.

6) I always think I am "Merlin the Magician" when it comes to packing, and of course everything is going to fit inside my suitcase. I just wave my wand and "abbracadabra!"...Unfortunately at that point, my clothes have not shrunk and my bag has not gotten any bigger.

7) If I don't get enough sleep (ie., more than 4 hours) I turn into a very sensitive and emotional soul and I am bound to find something -- either beautiful or sad -- to get weepy about especially if there is music involved.

8) I dislike routines. There has not been two days that I have gotten up at the same time, gone to bed at the same time, had a meal at the same time or done remotely close to the same thing.

9) I don't have a need for TV. Two of the four places I have stayed have had them and I have not even bothered to turn them on to see if they work.

10) "Life is (always) too short" for money to be an option when its something I really want to do.

So that's me in 10 days. By the time I make it back to the States, I am going to be such a dork... but a well traveled dork, for sure!

Wednesday, March 11, 2009

Favorites are that way for a reason.

One of the things I make a habit of doing is reading my favorite book before the start of a journey. Its only 150 pages so its not like it takes longer than a day. This time as I perused its pages, quotes and passages were just leaping out at me, so much so I actually picked up a pen and did some underlining. Maybe its just my stage in life that allowed me to find such passages so meaningful, but for those interested in some thoughts to ponder (out of context) here goes:

On Life:
  • Life attracts life. (my personal favorite)
  • You will never be able to escape from your own heart. So its better to listen to what it has to say. (my second favorite)
  • Its the possibility of having a dream come true that make's life interesting.
  • Its the simple things in life that make life extraordinary.
  • The world's greatest lie is that at a certain point in our lives, we lose control of what's happening to us, and our lives become controlled by fate.
  • When you are young, everything is clear and everything is possible. You are not afraid to dream, and to yearn for everything you would like to see happen to you in your lifetime. As time passes a mysterious force begins to convince them that it will be possible to achieve their personal goals.
  • Whoever you are, or whatever it is that you do, when you really want something, its because that desire originated in the soul of the universe. And when you really want something, all the universe conspires in helping you achieve it. (Really....)
  • For her, everyday was the same, and when each day is the same as the next, its because people fail to recognize the good things that happen in their lives every day the sun rises.
  • Every blessing ignored becomes a curse.
  • It is written, and sometimes there's just no way to hold back the river.
  • The language of enthusiasm, of things accomplished with love and purpose, is a language everyone understands.
  • Making a decision is only the beginning of things. When someone makes a decision, he is really diving into a strong current that will carry him to places he had never dreamed of when he first made the decision.
  • Intuition is really sudden immersion of the soul into the universal current of life, where the histories of all people are connected, and we are able to know everything because its all written here.


  • When you know the universal language, its easy to understand that someone in the world awaits you, whether its in the middle of the desert or in some great city. And when two such people encounter each other, the past and future become unimportant. There is only that moment, and the incredible certainty that everything under the sun has been written by one hand only. It is the hand that evokes love and creates a twin soul for every person in the world. Without such love, one's dreams would have no meaning. (favorite)
  • Realizing that he had loved her before he even knew she existed, he knew that his love for her would enable him to discover every treasure in the world.
  • You must understand that love never keeps a man from persuing his Personal Legend. If he abandons that pursuit, its because it wasn't true love.
  • When I have been truly searching for my treasure, every day has been luminous, because I've known that every hour was a part of the dream that I would find it.
  • Many people let life proceed, in its own direction, toward its own fate. But, unfortunately, very few follow the path laid our for them. Most people see the world as a threatening place, and because they do, the world turns out, indeed, to be a threatening place.

I found it interesting the quotes divided themselves into two categories -- life and love. Maybe that is why this is my favorite... it focuses on my two greatest passions.

(and in case you don't know me well enough -- although then don't know why you are reading this -- my favorite book is the The Alchemist, and my favorite author is Paulo Coelho)

Sunday, March 8, 2009

Getting Back to Me Again

Tonight, as I packed the belongings I will carry with me to Europe into a 20X11X14 bag (with wheels!) I felt as if I was packing myself inside. And since they are my things and what I will wear for the next 65 days, I guess it is me... But the act itself was symbolic. And for the first time, and maybe the last, I am ready to leave New York. At least for now.

Its time for me to be away from the place I love most. To be away from some of the people I love most. To be away from everything I have come to consider 'home'... and simply get back to me.

The person who wakes up at God knows when (some obnoxiously early hour), who craves early morning coffee and equally alert conversation, who is amazed by the people I meet everyday, and tries to tread lightly on the world... leaving a imprints and not scars. The one who can cry or laugh at the drop of a hat simply because that is how I feel, and can simply be authentic... without pretenses or falsities.

I don't know how well I have been at being the best version of myself these days. Honest - yes. Best version -- not really. And that is what I want to get back to. Being fully present, being fully me. Being fully aware of the imprints I leave.

The one thing that the past 65 days has brought me is fun times, good friends and lots of drinks. Moments of revelation, memorable people, and lots of saying la vie to what was going to be my life.

And now... I want to be here now. For this is where its at. Back in my old building... yet, ready to try something new. I am ready to get lost in the world... ready to be in place that doesn't speak my language or even want to...ready to go and just be me where nothing else is expected of me.

So here I go...16 hours and long awaited adventure will soon begin. And truly, I will get the chance to finally get back to me.

Wednesday, March 4, 2009

And then what?

This morning in my spinning class, a revelation was awaiting me at the end of my race.

Starting the class I was abuzz with weekend plans, dinner plans tonight, meeting up plans, work plans... plans... plans... plans... Do this. Love that. Change this. Swap that. My mind was spinning out of control... just like my bike pedals!

As we started the climbing part of the class I started thinking about a reservation that I have been looking forward to for a while now that is taking place tonight, and it dawned on me, so what about after? What happens when I have been there and done that?

Thoughts of a simple restaurant reservation quickly to a mini-analysis of my life, and all the times that I have raced into something, only to be left with a feeling of being let down when the experience is over... or maybe the experience simply did not meet my expectations -- which admittedly can be a little too high at times.

There have been countless times -- birthdays that were not as fun as hoped, dates that were less dashing, an engagement that lost its luster as soon as the diamonds did, trips that went awry, friends that let me down... I could go on and on.

And in that moment I realized the one thing I have failed to do all along is be aware of my expectations I have of myself. What do these things and events truly mean to me? What am I looking to add to my life by experiencing all these things on my list? What emotional/mental values can I glean for something?

I think this realization began in January... with my only expectation of myself has been to live my life to the fullest... and that I have. But I realize life and this year specifically is not about just having fun. Living my life to the fullest means passionately pursuing all the goals and dreams I have...

So its time to raise my expectations of myself... know fully what I want from life and what I expect from those in it... and when expectations are not met to truly know why, to learn from that experience and then move on.

Spinning in circles has never worked... and I hope that the only spinning I do moving forward is on Wednesday mornings when I am half awake.

Monday, March 2, 2009

My Favorite Moments of 2009... (So Far)

This has been such an exciting and fulfilling year...and its only one-sixth over! There have been so many fun times that I have spent with some of the most amazing people that I could ever ask to know, and many of whom I feel blessed to call friends. So as I prepare for the next two months of travel and imagine the memories that will be made on the road, I want to pause and reflect on my favorite moments of this year...

1) Fantastic champagne brunches in fancy dining rooms over looking the park with special friends (thanks EE for turning the most difficult day of my life into one of the most fun moments imaginable)

2) Watching my best friend say "yes" to the love of his life. (the reception lasted into 2009 so it technically counts!)

3) Saying yes to myself and allowing myself to fight for, and have, the life I always wanted.

4) Asking my boss to take a sabbatical and her saying yes.

5) Getting to play "big sister" to my little sis after a night of too much fun.

6) "Bang on the Loose"... and all the other silly moments that led to the many songs that were either altered or made up on the fly.

7) Getting to have a "Paige Day" with my mom in my favorite city.

8) Hitting the slopes with a fun crew in January... George you are a rockstar, especially with Cool Rock Tape #5!

9) Getting "Carried Away" in Harlem by George Straight.

10) Sipping champagne in to-go cups while getting lost in the village.

BONUS) Realizing my life is pretty damn fantastic and will continue to be that way as long as I allow it.

Classiest moment of 2009: Falling off a stool while on a date. (Hey, my life may be fantastic, but I will always be a klutz!)

Saddest moment 0f 2009: Giving Jazz away.

Most Liberating Moment of 2009: Buying my ticket to Europe.

Most Unexpected Moment: Getting asked on date in the middle of breaking up with someone.

Scariest Moment: Lasik surgery

Coziest moment of 2009: Jazz, fireplace, a glass of port while the snow falls.

Conspiracy Theory

In my favorite book by my favorite author, there is a line that has been repeating in my head all weekend: "When you really want something, all the universe conspires together to make it happen."

For days, weeks and months now I have been living my own life unafraid to ask for what I want, because I truly believe the universe will hand it over. Maybe not in the shape I expected, but I truly believe that as humans we have the capability to always have what we want.

And right now I have everything I could possibly want. I could not ask to be anywhere than where I am right now. Watching the snow fall from my favorite perch in all of NYC, on a SNOW DAY, which never happens in New York – an adventure before me, an agenda to accomplish and fun memories of a lovely evening spent with a new friend.

Last night, I was wondering how I was going to do all I had to do before I leave in a week. Well, now I have my window of opportunity…SNOW DAY!

I cannot get over how in sync with the universe my life feels right now. And maybe it used to be this way, and I just fell out of sync with myself for so long that this feeling seems even more amazing. But when I think of the line from the Alchemist, I have to laugh because it is SO true.

Everything I said I wanted, I have gotten. I knew it could happen, all I had to do was open up my heart and ask. My plan that I concocted so long ago is all happening just as I imagined, and I don’t think I could feel or be more happy than I am right now.