The Land of 'I Don't Know'

Ever since getting back to the city, I have found there are situations I just don't know how to handle. There are things I just don't know how to say. There are things I just don't know how to do. I attempt to do it with my past New York voice, but I am no longer that person. And when I say or do anything with the 'how I truly feel card' I get responses that leave alot to be desired.

Whatever am I talking about? Well, here are a few examples...

-- two single people hang out, one is male, the other female, when you part ways with no 0bvious interest in hanging out again what do you say? Especially when the meeting was suggested by your family.

--Your best friend has hung out with a guy you are currently befriending, and it didn't work between them, but you are only wanting to be friends with him, how much do you tell your friend? How much is too little? How much too much?

--You spend two weeks with a guy in different country than your own, there is a quiet chemistry that flows through two said two weeks, when you return, what does it mean?

These situations and many more follow me through my New York life, and in my case, every day this week. I do and say things because I want to, and some because I feel like I should... I truly want to be operating out of the most honest, and sincere part of me, but such acts seem to get lost in translation.

Part of me feels like I never fit into this hodgepodge of rushing here and there, 'crackberry' central, don't think - just do mentality...

And the truth is, maybe I never did, and maybe I never will. New York City for me, for now, seems to be one great big 'i don't know' after the other. But when operating in fluid motion, 'I don't know' is 5,000 times better than 'set in stone'.