Love - As told in Film

This weekend, I have done something I don't normally do. I have been to two films in two days. Last night I went to see "Two Lovers" with Joaquin Phoenix and Gwyneth Paltrow; and today I went to see "He's Not That Into You". (Yesterday, being Valentine's Day, I thought my girlfriends and I should go see the second, but they were not having it so He's Not That Into You was seen the day AFTER V-day).

Given my current state of life and views of relationships, both of these brought interesting points to life which I don't know that anyone would get who is not just out of a long-term relationship that did not work out.

So, Two Lovers is about a guy who is de-engaged and living at home with his parents, and in the process falls in love with an emotionally unavailable female while sleeping with and pretending to date a woman that his parent's have chosen for him. He loves the one he can't have, but in the end chooses the other just because its easier and it makes sense...and he just happens to have a ring in his pocket at a party... a ring he intended to give to the other!

In He's Not That Into You, several long-term relationships and marriages are portrayed as unwanted, and habits, and basically jails where you can't be yourself and you can't grow. That you have to follow all these rules to find love. And after a certain amount of time you should be ready for the next step...whether or not you are, the important thing is taking that step vs. finding someone who makes you want to take that step together.

Basically from seeing both of these, its easy to say society and marriage-norms are screwed up. Few people commit for the right reasons anymore. So many people I know just 'want to be married' without caring who they are married to or wanting to focus on that relationship and make that healthy and prosperous. They see marriage as the goal vs. finding someone you can't live without. Its sad, because in the end committing for the wrong reasons only ends up screwing up so many people's lives. People don't want to be patient anymore, they don't want to put in the real and honest work that needs to happen that allows a relationship to grow and flourish. Everyone just wants a quick fix these days and when it comes to love and relationships there are just not any.

I often wonder if I will ever marry. For the longest time in my life I thought I wouldn't, and then watching my mom and sister marry, I reconsidered. Now I am back to being not-so-sure. What is marriage, really? I mean if you factor love out of it (which so many people do) its a piece of paper that says if you want out, you have to give me 50% of our combined assets. Who needs that? Who want's that?

I do know that if by the time I die, I find someone that I can truly love and they truly love me, and we are committed to each other, and have a happy and fulfilling life together, I don't think I will need more. I don't know that I will need to be someone's wife...I guess if there are children involved, yes, but other than that...I don't know that I will need it. Because having love in your heart is so much more meaningful than having a ring on your finger. I am open to finding this love I dream of, the love I want, the love I can't live without...and if that comes with a diamond, or a dress, or a wedding or none of the above, I will die a happy woman. The other is just for show, and I just want something true and honest... and I do believe its out there. Its rare that the universe ever shuts a door without at least opening a window...