And then what?

This morning in my spinning class, a revelation was awaiting me at the end of my race.

Starting the class I was abuzz with weekend plans, dinner plans tonight, meeting up plans, work plans... plans... plans... plans... Do this. Love that. Change this. Swap that. My mind was spinning out of control... just like my bike pedals!

As we started the climbing part of the class I started thinking about a reservation that I have been looking forward to for a while now that is taking place tonight, and it dawned on me, so what about after? What happens when I have been there and done that?

Thoughts of a simple restaurant reservation quickly to a mini-analysis of my life, and all the times that I have raced into something, only to be left with a feeling of being let down when the experience is over... or maybe the experience simply did not meet my expectations -- which admittedly can be a little too high at times.

There have been countless times -- birthdays that were not as fun as hoped, dates that were less dashing, an engagement that lost its luster as soon as the diamonds did, trips that went awry, friends that let me down... I could go on and on.

And in that moment I realized the one thing I have failed to do all along is be aware of my expectations I have of myself. What do these things and events truly mean to me? What am I looking to add to my life by experiencing all these things on my list? What emotional/mental values can I glean for something?

I think this realization began in January... with my only expectation of myself has been to live my life to the fullest... and that I have. But I realize life and this year specifically is not about just having fun. Living my life to the fullest means passionately pursuing all the goals and dreams I have...

So its time to raise my expectations of myself... know fully what I want from life and what I expect from those in it... and when expectations are not met to truly know why, to learn from that experience and then move on.

Spinning in circles has never worked... and I hope that the only spinning I do moving forward is on Wednesday mornings when I am half awake.